Oh, where to begin? The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind for me both physically and mentally. What I'm speaking about is college. That's right! I started my first year of college two weeks ago. While I wish I could say that I couldn't be happier, I just feel bogged down with my newfound ultra-hectic life. At times, it feels like I'm just not here.
I joined the Novice Division I rowing team at my school, so I think that plays a huge part in why I constantly feel lost. Because of my constant exhaustion, I'm looking forward to speeding through my day rather than appreciating my classes and my life do the degree I want to. Don't get me, wrong. I absolutely love all my classes, but I can't help but wonder if my involvement in the crew team (and my work study job) will eventually lead to my grades dropping. Sure, I can always quit crew, but the challenge of the sport makes me what to conquer it to the best of my ability.
Currently, I am still on the quest to find my niche in college. I have individual friends, but a set group. Sometimes, I just feel ostracized because I would rather stay in on a weekend to study rather than go out with a bunch of my hall-mates. In part, my actions are to blame for my disconnect, but at the same time, I shouldn't feel as though I have to go out all the time in order to make friends. It's just hard going from being a sociable person in high school to having an "outsider" feeling in college.
The quote above by F. Scott Fitzgerald (one of my favorite writers) is the quote that I used as my senior quote this past school year and one that I always come back to when I'm feeling overwhelmed. It describes me so well for I am always on the quest to grow as a person and to experience life in ways I never thought I would. Deep down, I know that coming to this city for school was the best decision I could have made even though it doesn't feel like it right now. "I'm not sure what I'll do, but-" I know that I will eventually find complete happiness with my life. College is a crazy transition time and my cold feet are just getting in the way.
Any one else having a similar experience at college?